Jehovah Jehovah

During my time here I’ve been making an effort to connect with locals, or rather they’ve been making efforts to connect with me. On occasion, when soju (Korean rice liquor, people drink 3 litres of the stuff then complain how toxic it is) has been involved they’ve tried to make that connection literal, but for the most part it’s involved shouting ‘hi’ at me, looking me up and down, or saying ‘American?’ before I say no and smash the nearest blunt object into their face. With broken teeth, they’ll follow up with ‘Canadian?’ The process occurs again before finally they say ‘England’ and we can be friends.

One of these connections has been with a Korean going by the English name of Brian. I met him; or rather he chased me and stopped me, on the way home from work. He was friendly, and when it came to goodbyes a little too friendly with hands, but he was pleasant enough and we arranged a man date.

That was before he dropped the bomb.

Brian took me to a spot above the city, where we shared some pasta and questions about our respective cultures. All went well until I asked him about military service, something that is mandatory in Korean law. Brian told me he hadn’t served, but instead spent his time in jail as he is a Jehovah’s Witness. Cue horror film music and gasps all around.

I must admit to limited knowledge of JWs, mainly limited to the fact they refuse blood donations and believe people walked with dinosaurs and talked to snakes. That’s usually my fill of anything Christ related and I head back home to read Asterix cartoons to bring me back to a far more logical way of thinking.

However, on this occasion he was my ride home, and so I listened. I found out that around 1000 people are currently in Korean prisons for objecting to military service. That’s a lot of JWs. Even more when you consider they believe there to be limited places in heaven. If I knew I was going for a particularly competitive job then I’m not sure I’d be spreading the word about it so eagerly at 8am each morning.

Either way Brian did try to convert me, but I showed him Buddhist merchandise I’d bought at a temple and he seemed to back away, like a vampire from the garlic, except mine didn’t smell. I’d say Brian wasn’t trying to take my soul, but considering JWs can’t play football on the Sabbath, or enjoy the wine Jesus was so fond of, he wasn’t too far off.