Did You Hear The One About The Sexist Sky Sports Presenter?

I have a real and deep rooted fear that my child will grow up into a sexist / homophobic / racist bigot and get a job writing for the Daily Mail. It’s a hypothetical fear; because it assumes that I’ll have children and also that I won’t launch an online and real world Guerrilla war to rid the planet of all filth peddling publications that make their money from generating controversy by spouting hatred. They’re two fairly big assumptions because the idea of devoting my life to appeasing something that does nothing but shit and scream for 2 years haunts me, and also because, wouldn’t the world be better off without a paper that runs a story like this?

If you can’t be bothered clicking on the link, then to summarise: a woman was in a house fire that left her under sedation for smoke inhalation. All 4 of her children died in the fire. She doesn’t know this at the time of writing as she’s still unconscious. Thanks to the Daily Mail though, we all know and she’ll be able to find out from a newspaper. How considerate.

Should I have children and decide not to embark on a crusade against middle class tabloids, then my fear will be a very real one. It seems some people simply love to hate. Just as we make strides towards finally accepting that racism is wrong (reforms in the police, BNP being refused a platform during the election) another hatred or two comes up to replace it.

This week it’s been sexism. Andy Gray and Richard Keys have been sacked and resigned Sky Sports for asking a female colleague to tuck a mike into pants (Gray), referring to a female colleague thus ‘you’d smash it, you’d hang out of the back of it’ (Keys) and for suggesting a fully trained female official would need the offside rule explaining to her, simply because she is a she.

They’ve both since left, but it’s the reaction that’s worrying. I have a friend who’s certain it’s all just a ‘big joke’ and we should just ‘move on.’ Just as I wonder if he’ll ever understand that his attitudes are offensive and outdated at best, I also wonder what Andy Gray’s wife will have said to him?

“You’re right love, just a joke love. In no way is it a sack able offense to judge an official’s ability on her gender alone and treat a female colleague as a sex object by asking her to put her hands down your pants in front of a full work room. Cup of tea?”

My friend’s attitude is that it happened off mike so it shouldn’t matter. He’s a smart lad, degree educated with a good job. Yet to him sexism is completely acceptable as long as no one finds out. As if beating a wife would be fine as long as bruises aren’t left. That refusing to give a job to a black man on grounds of his race would be fine and dandy as long as you tell him it’s due to his pants being too short.  

It shouldn’t matter than Andy Gray has been in broadcasting long enough that he should know if in broadcast journalism, you’re near a mike, treat it as if it’s recording; only that these are his views. My friend also claimed “these views are expressed in the stands every game.” That’s no defence of Gray, but a damning indictment of what we deem to be acceptable in this country.

But what do I do about my friend? I tried showing him the error of his ways through logical debate, but he thinks sexual harassment is just a bit of a jolly, so I fear the logic might have gone over his head.

I could hit him with a spanner and stand over his leaky head whilst saying to a colleague “somebody better get down there and explain the sexism in the work place laws, if his manager finds out about the mess on the carpet she’s going to go potty.”

Or I could do what most people will do in this very same situation, clear my conscience by expressing that sexism is unacceptable, but when he shows no signs of assessing whether his views are right or wrong, just carry on as normal, sharing a beer, watching the football.  

This is the worrying part. For every office discussion about how abhorrent the actions of Gray and Keys were, there’s somebody lurking about sneering ‘it’s just a laugh, come here sugar tits and put your head down my pants, just a laugh, ha ha!’

Hopefully, in the future we’ll look at sexism in the way we now look at racism; fuelled not just by racists, but by otherwise decent people who have no idea of the damage that their ignorance does. Failing that we could just hit them all with spanners. 

An Open Letter to Elwyn Watkins and the Liberal Democrats

Dear Elwyn,

I received a letter in the post recently.

Firstly I’m writing this assuming you’re a decent man. Your record certainly indicates so, and I appreciate the work you’ve put in for the local community.

However, you won’t be receiving my vote this election.

I write this as an ex Liberal Democrat voter, believer and in a better world, soon to be member.

Sadly I saw the pictures of you campaigning with Nick Clegg and in an instant all your credibility vanished.

It’s interesting that you would base a large part of your campaign on the lies told by Phil Woolas and Labour. You’re right of course, he did lie and I, for one of many was glad to see him go. It’s even more interesting that you would associate their new candidate with the old lies, when The Labour Party clearly condemned Mr Woolas.

However, just last year Nick Clegg signed an NUS pledge to vote against any rise in University tuition fees. Just 2 months ago he voted to increase tuition fees.

Whether you agree with rises in fees or not, there is no doubting that this is a lie told by Nick Clegg. The very same Nick Clegg you haven’t condemned. The very same Nick Clegg you have campaigned with.

I trust you can see the hypocrisy?

The cuts your party are supporting will cripple this town and send it back 20 years in education terms.

I work for The Junior University Project. In my role as a Maths and English mentor I’ve been part of a team that has seen a year on year increase in the numbers of students gaining C or above in Maths and English, and therefore the number of students progressing onto Further Education.

On April 1^st, thanks to cuts supported by Nick Clegg and your party, The Junior University will cease to exist. I will be unemployed.

So when you say you’ll fight for this town’s future I’m sure you can see why I might think the dishonest one isn’t just Mr Woolas; It’s also you?

Before the election at least 50% of teachers and education workers I’ve spoken to, at a guess, would have voted Lib Dem.

Now, thanks to Nick Clegg, the man you preach about dishonesty with, thanks to his lies, at least 90% of the people I speak to will vote anybody but Lib Dem.

It’s a bitter irony that the lies of one man gave you this second chance, yet the lies of another man, a man in your party, a man you campaigned with, could well end up costing it you.

Should you feel the need to respond you can do it here or email me at wrightlewis@hotmail.com

There are a lot of people who have read this that would like you to.

Just so you don’t forget, the main charges are:

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-          <!--[endif]-->You knowingly and happily campaigned with Nick Clegg, a man who lied on record to the public.

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-          <!--[endif]-->You knowingly and happily campaigned as a Liberal Democrat, a party that supported cuts that will destroy the educational foundations of our town. Cuts that will see no new buildings that are desperately needed for Saddleworth School, Our Lady’s and Saint Augustine’s, and no essential maintenance for North Chadderton, Bluecoat, Hathershaw and Royton and Crompton.

I do hope you think I’m important enough to respond to.

                Yours rapidly losing faith,

Lewis Wright  

Goodbye Cruel World, Hello Mega Stardom

I wrote this blog on my birthday. My birthday. Did you write a blog on your birthday? Probably not. What were you doing on your birthday? Enjoying yourself or something equally selfish. More to the point, what were you doing on my birthday? Waiting for my blog is the answer you should give, but you were probably thinking of things to do on your birthday; bastard.


I’m only angry because my birthday is so close to Christmas, and New Year. Two celebrations in a row people can handle. They’re used to it, ready for it. ‘Christmas is done, I’m ready for NYE BRING IT ON!!’ Ask for them to join in a 3rd and the excuses start to come out. ‘Night out for your birthday Lewis? I would but my capacity for joy has reached its limit, plus my hair needs a wash and I’m not certain, but I think I have an in growing toe nail. Sorry, but what else can I do?’

If you have a birthday in the summer you can crank it up. ‘Come to my party – what else is there to do? Buy me presents, give your time selflessly, the sun is out.’

Have a birthday near Christmas and presents become an afterthought. ‘But I got you stuff last week, hmm, have these potatoes I didn’t eat.’ Whatever else he did, Jesus will always be known to me as the world’s greatest thunder stealer.

But that’s OK, I have a plan. A plan to make me more famous than any other blog writer ever. I’m going to die. End it. Kaput. Goodbye cruel world.

Before the tears flow like Babylon you should know there’s logic behind this. Paul McCartney has produced an almost endless body of work since leaving The Beatles. He can even play a mandolin. Yet in the BBC poll of 100 Greatest Britons he came 11 places below John Lennon. All Lennon did was lie in bed and get shot. (I should point out those were mutually exclusive events.)



There’s an airport named after John Lennon. He even managed to leave the parenting of his son to McCartney, cheat on his wife Yoko Ono, all with no reduction in his popularity. What he did do was die, and so Lennon became legend.

River Phoenix appeared in a small handful of films and his name is known world over as a great acting talent. He’s dead too, same as Jeff Buckley, a man who released just one album, yet has had documentaries made about him and been referred to as a musical genius. Before Nick Drake died he was playing to pub audiences and selling a handful of albums, now he’s dead he’s a must have in any cool music collection.

The problem comes with the blogs. If I’m dead how will I write them? Thought of that too. Michael Jackson is dead and he’s had albums released, so has Jimi Hendrix, Biggie Smalls, Tupac. All prolific. All dead.

Elvis even performs concerts through a holographic image, and he’s been dead for ages. Soon they’ll be resurrecting his corpse, polishing it up and dancing it around the stage like a demonic muppet. Watch closely and you might see a finger drop off as he jigs about to All Shook Up.

If you read next week’s blog and see my 13 followers increased to 13,000 you know what will have happened. The blog might look real, it might even make you laugh, but it won’t be mine, it’ll be hashed together from some notes I left on the back of a Sainsbury’s receipt. Don’t feel too bad though, rest assured my estate will get all the website hits.