This blog may break down due to snow.

There’s a true menace at work; something that is bringing our once proud nation to its knees.
Planes grounded, cars left stranded strewn across motorways, people staggering across roads shouting deliriously ‘BUS, BUS.’

Before you leave your home after reading this, best sneak a look out of the curtains. Don’t linger too long. It could blind you. Just one look and you’ll know. Know if you're safe from the dreaded ... SNOW.

If you dare step outside, beware. There beasties lie. Cars skid down ungritted roads, crashing into everything they come even remotely close to; other cars, garden walls, pensioners. Buildings explode in the distance and wolves appear and start to howl.

Despite all the snow teenagers can only find ice and rubble to make ball shapes from. Icy brick balls that break teeth, windows, skulls.

When snow scatters over the UK it’s like a haze of LSD over the country. Mania ensues. People talk about the weather as if Armageddon is on the way.
“Have you heard? Snow is coming tonight?”
“SNOW, SNOW? We’d best get to Tesco, fill up with petrol, get food in.”

Radio broadcasts are interrupted every half an hour, special snow TV shows are made and websites are plastered with flash banners warning us of the impending danger of the slightly frozen water falling from the sky.

Yet we’re hardly a snowy nation. We only have 9 natural ski fields. France, Germany, Norway, Sweden, South Korea, Canada and New Zealand are just some of the nations that have far more annual snowfall than we do. All of them have snowfall every year, just like we do. Yet we seem to be the only nation that have trouble predicting that after over 200 years of records and snow in near enough every year, that it might happen again next year.

In 200 years time global warming will shift the Gulf Stream and mean Britain will have similar weather to other countries on the same latitude; Canada, Denmark and Russia. That means 4 month winters that start cold, get colder, drop lots of snow, freeze the snow, drop more on top of it and then snow just a little more.

Schools will have winters off, people will start to hibernate and cars will have to be fitted with padded bumpers.

Snow hung around on roads for days last year because we, an island nation surrounded by salty sea water, ran out of salt. Next year we there’ll be a mass culling of sheep because we run out of grass. Plans for solar power will be scrapped because we run out of sunlight.

Having said all that. I get to go home early from work, so can't complain.

Next week’s blog may be cancelled due to the weather.